diff --git a/default.nix b/default.nix
index 60df74a19..d81416c28 100644
--- a/default.nix
+++ b/default.nix
@@ -109,7 +109,6 @@ let
 
     urbit-debug = urbit.override { enableDebug = true; };
     urbit-tests = libLocal.testFakeShip {
-      inherit herb;
       inherit arvo;
 
       urbit = urbit-debug;
diff --git a/nix/lib/boot-fake-ship.nix b/nix/lib/boot-fake-ship.nix
index 9a5d01ea9..2b955c85f 100644
--- a/nix/lib/boot-fake-ship.nix
+++ b/nix/lib/boot-fake-ship.nix
@@ -1,6 +1,6 @@
-{ lib, stdenvNoCC, cacert }:
+{ lib, stdenvNoCC, curl }:
 
-{ urbit, herb, arvo ? null, pill, ship, arguments ? [ "-l" ] }:
+{ urbit, arvo ? null, pill, ship, arguments ? [ "-l" ] }:
 
 let
 
@@ -10,16 +10,11 @@ let
 in stdenvNoCC.mkDerivation {
   name = "fake-${ship}";
 
-  buildInputs = [ cacert urbit herb ];
+  buildInputs = [ curl urbit ];
 
   phases = [ "buildPhase" "installPhase " ];
 
   buildPhase = ''
-    if ! [ -f "$SSL_CERT_FILE" ]; then
-      header "$SSL_CERT_FILE doesn't exist"
-      exit 1
-    fi
-
     set -xeuo pipefail
 
     urbit ${lib.concatStringsSep " " args} ./pier
@@ -34,13 +29,27 @@ in stdenvNoCC.mkDerivation {
 
     trap cleanup EXIT
 
+    port=$(cat ./pier/.http.ports | grep loopback | tr -s ' ' '\n' | head -n 1)
+
+    lensd() {
+      curl -f -s                                                           \
+        --data "{\"source\":{\"dojo\":\"$1\"},\"sink\":{\"stdout\":null}}" \
+        "http://localhost:$port" | xargs printf %s | sed 's/\\n/\n/g'
+    }
+
+    lensa() {
+      curl -f -s                                                           \
+        --data "{\"source\":{\"dojo\":\"$2\"},\"sink\":{\"app\":\"$1\"}}"  \
+        "http://localhost:$port" | xargs printf %s | sed 's/\\n/\n/g'
+    }
+
     check () {
-      [ 3 -eq "$(herb ./pier -d 3)" ]
+      [ 3 -eq "$(lensd 3)" ]
     }
 
     if check && sleep 10 && check; then
       header "boot success"
-      herb ./pier -p hood -d '+hood/exit'
+      lensa hood '+hood/exit'
       while [ -f ./pier/.vere.lock ]; do
         echo "waiting for pier to shut down"
         sleep 5
@@ -48,8 +57,11 @@ in stdenvNoCC.mkDerivation {
     else
       header "boot failure"
       kill $(< ./pier/.vere.lock) || true
+      set +x
       exit 1
     fi
+
+    set +x
   '';
 
   installPhase = ''
diff --git a/nix/lib/test-fake-ship.nix b/nix/lib/test-fake-ship.nix
index b5b567e3c..eac3588a7 100644
--- a/nix/lib/test-fake-ship.nix
+++ b/nix/lib/test-fake-ship.nix
@@ -1,16 +1,16 @@
-{ lib, stdenvNoCC, cacert, python3, bootFakeShip }:
+{ lib, stdenvNoCC, curl, python3, bootFakeShip }:
 
-{ urbit, herb, arvo ? null, pill, ship ? "bus", arguments ? urbit.meta.arguments
+{ urbit, arvo ? null, pill, ship ? "bus", arguments ? urbit.meta.arguments
 , doCheck ? true }:
 
 stdenvNoCC.mkDerivation {
   name = "test-${ship}";
 
-  src = bootFakeShip { inherit urbit herb arvo pill ship; };
+  src = bootFakeShip { inherit urbit arvo pill ship; };
 
   phases = [ "unpackPhase" "buildPhase" "checkPhase" ];
 
-  buildInputs = [ cacert urbit herb python3 ];
+  buildInputs = [ curl python3 urbit ];
 
   unpackPhase = ''
     cp -R $src ./pier
@@ -26,6 +26,22 @@ stdenvNoCC.mkDerivation {
     # See: https://github.com/travis-ci/travis-ci/issues/4704#issuecomment-348435959
     python3 -c $'import os\n[os.set_blocking(i, True) for i in range(3)]\n'
 
+    port=$(cat ./pier/.http.ports | grep loopback | tr -s ' ' '\n' | head -n 1)
+
+    lensd() {
+      # -f elided, this can hit server-side timeouts
+      curl -s                                                              \
+        --data "{\"source\":{\"dojo\":\"$1\"},\"sink\":{\"stdout\":null}}" \
+        "http://localhost:$port" | xargs printf %s | sed 's/\\n/\n/g'
+    }
+
+    lensa() {
+      # -f elided, this can hit server-side timeouts
+      curl -s                                                              \
+        --data "{\"source\":{\"dojo\":\"$2\"},\"sink\":{\"app\":\"$1\"}}"  \
+        "http://localhost:$port" | xargs printf %s | sed 's/\\n/\n/g'
+    }
+
     tail -F urbit-output >&2 &
 
     tailproc=$!
@@ -41,69 +57,69 @@ stdenvNoCC.mkDerivation {
 
     #  measure initial memory usage
     #
-    herb ./pier -d '~&  ~  ~&  %init-mass-start  ~'
-    herb ./pier -p hood -d '+hood/mass'
-    herb ./pier -d '~&  ~  ~&  %init-mass-end  ~'
+    lensd '~&  ~  ~&  %init-mass-start  ~'
+    lensa hood '+hood/mass'
+    lensd '~&  ~  ~&  %init-mass-end  ~'
 
     #  run the unit tests
     #
-    herb ./pier -d '~&  ~  ~&  %test-unit-start  ~'
-    herb ./pier -d '####-test %/tests ~'
-    herb ./pier -d '~&  ~  ~&  %test-unit-end  ~'
+    lensd '~&  ~  ~&  %test-unit-start  ~'
+    lensd '-test %/tests ~'
+    lensd '~&  ~  ~&  %test-unit-end  ~'
 
     #  use the :test app to build all agents, generators, and marks
     #
-    herb ./pier -p hood -d '+hood/start %test'
+    lensa hood '+hood/start %test'
 
-    herb ./pier -d '~&  ~  ~&  %test-agents-start  ~'
-    herb ./pier -p test -d '%agents'
-    herb ./pier -d '~&  ~  ~&  %test-agents-end  ~'
+    lensd '~&  ~  ~&  %test-agents-start  ~'
+    lensa test '%agents'
+    lensd '~&  ~  ~&  %test-agents-end  ~'
 
-    herb ./pier -d '~&  ~  ~&  %test-generators-start  ~'
-    herb ./pier -p test -d '%generators'
-    herb ./pier -d '~&  ~  ~&  %test-generators-end  ~'
+    lensd '~&  ~  ~&  %test-generators-start  ~'
+    lensa test '%generators'
+    lensd '~&  ~  ~&  %test-generators-end  ~'
 
-    herb ./pier -d '~&  ~  ~&  %test-marks-start  ~'
-    herb ./pier -p test -d '%marks'
-    herb ./pier -d '~&  ~  ~&  %test-marks-end  ~'
+    lensd '~&  ~  ~&  %test-marks-start  ~'
+    lensa test '%marks'
+    lensd '~&  ~  ~&  %test-marks-end  ~'
 
     #  measure memory usage post tests
     #
-    herb ./pier -d '~&  ~  ~&  %test-mass-start  ~'
-    herb ./pier -p hood -d '+hood/mass'
-    herb ./pier -d '~&  ~  ~&  %test-mass-end  ~'
+    lensd '~&  ~  ~&  %test-mass-start  ~'
+    lensa hood '+hood/mass'
+    lensd '~&  ~  ~&  %test-mass-end  ~'
 
     #  defragment the loom
     #
-    herb ./pier -d '~&  ~  ~&  %pack-start  ~'
-    herb ./pier -p hood -d '+hood/pack'
-    herb ./pier -d '~&  ~  ~&  %pack-end  ~'
+    lensd '~&  ~  ~&  %pack-start  ~'
+    lensa hood '+hood/pack'
+    lensd '~&  ~  ~&  %pack-end  ~'
 
     #  reclaim space within arvo
     #
-    herb ./pier -d '~&  ~  ~&  %trim-start  ~'
-    herb ./pier -p hood -d '+hood/trim'
-    herb ./pier -d '~&  ~  ~&  %trim-end  ~'
+    lensd '~&  ~  ~&  %trim-start  ~'
+    lensa hood '+hood/trim'
+    lensd '~&  ~  ~&  %trim-end  ~'
 
     #  measure memory usage pre |meld
     #
-    herb ./pier -d '~&  ~  ~&  %trim-mass-start  ~'
-    herb ./pier -p hood -d '+hood/mass'
-    herb ./pier -d '~&  ~  ~&  %trim-mass-end  ~'
+    lensd '~&  ~  ~&  %trim-mass-start  ~'
+    lensa hood '+hood/mass'
+    lensd '~&  ~  ~&  %trim-mass-end  ~'
 
     #  globally deduplicate
     #
-    herb ./pier -d '~&  ~  ~&  %meld-start  ~'
-    herb ./pier -p hood -d '+hood/meld'
-    herb ./pier -d '~&  ~  ~&  %meld-end  ~'
+    lensd '~&  ~  ~&  %meld-start  ~'
+    lensa hood '+hood/meld'
+    lensd '~&  ~  ~&  %meld-end  ~'
 
     #  measure memory usage post |meld
     #
-    herb ./pier -d '~&  ~  ~&  %meld-mass-start  ~'
-    herb ./pier -p hood -d '+hood/mass'
-    herb ./pier -d '~&  ~  ~&  %meld-mass-end  ~'
+    lensd '~&  ~  ~&  %meld-mass-start  ~'
+    lensa hood '+hood/mass'
+    lensd '~&  ~  ~&  %meld-mass-end  ~'
 
-    herb ./pier -p hood -d '+hood/exit'
+    lensa hood '+hood/exit'
 
     cleanup
 
@@ -128,6 +144,8 @@ stdenvNoCC.mkDerivation {
     mkdir -p $out
 
     cp test-output-* $out/
+
+    set +x
   '';
 
   checkPhase = ''
@@ -168,6 +186,4 @@ stdenvNoCC.mkDerivation {
   # Fix 'bind: operation not permitted' when nix.useSandbox = true on darwin.
   # See https://github.com/NixOS/nix/blob/5f6840fbb49ae5b534423bd8a4360646ee93dbaf/src/libstore/build.cc#L2961
   __darwinAllowLocalNetworking = true;
-
-  meta = { platforms = [ "x86_64-linux" ]; };
 }